When Ten is One Hundred

pexels-photo-951232.jpegWe go through things in Life that make our legs Concrete.  Our joints become hot and sore from Stress.  Our knees Tremble and Shake. An Elephant takes Residence on our Chests.  Making it hard to Breathe.  Laundry Piles become Everests.  The dishes in the sink Taunt us.   The soft light of Dawn becomes Blinding and Painful.  Sleep becomes our only Escape.  Our Beds become our Safe Zone. And also a Torture Chamber if sleep Eludes. Smiles become Frozen in Place.  Completely Incongruent with our Broken Spirits.

But Life Calls.  So we Rise.  We dress our weak Bodies.  We Pray and Pray and Pray.  We feel Fleeting Courage for a Moment only to have Fear Rise and Pull us Downward once more.  Everything we knew and trusted in is Pulled into Question. But we Cling to Hope.  Slug the Coffee and Face the Day.

There’s times in Life when Ten Percent is One Hundred Percent.  Don’t Judge Yourself.  Ignore those Who Do.  You’re Rocking Your Pain.  You Got Up.  You Faced the Day.  I’m Proud of You.  The Sun Will Come Out Again.  I Promise. And You Will Fly.  Stronger.  Higher. Faster. Than Ever.

I Love You Warrior Tribe.

xoxo

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Sound

There’s certain sounds that pull me into the Past.  Of Special Memories.  A time of Innocence.  I’m not Brushed Up on my birds, so I can’t say the species, but when it sings I am a Young Girl staying at my Auntie Sharon’s sweet little Cape Cod style home.  Tucked in the Birch Trees.   Up in her Darling Bedroom under the Eave.  Krista Lee’s Room.  The window is slightly ajar and there’s a bird singing.  The same one I’m hearing this Morning.

There’s also the sound of the Crow.  When I’m out walking my dog on the Ravine behind my house it’s Call takes me back to Hunter Lake.  I can see the Tall Balsam Firs behind my home dancing in the New Brunswick winds off the Atlantic Ocean. I can see the railroad tie fence and the little white Barn.  And the Crows circling overhead.  The Fir Tree Dance was one of my favourite memories of Home.  I loved watching them out my window.  So Strong and Powerful and so Graceful.  The Soothing Sound of the Wind.

As I sit by the Elbow River, coffee in hand and rubber boots swaddled in Spring Mud there’s little Ducks making their Swath through the Water.  Their little feet paddling so happily under the water and their gentle quacks remind me of The Pond.  I loved throwing my Rubber Boots on as a child and trekking through the Pasture.  A plastic bag of leftover bread in my hand.  I would call out to them, and they would come waddling up the Pasture to greet me.  So Comical in their Perfect Incoordination as their little Orange Feet tried to Hurry them Along.  There was nothing better than watching them Dive so Excitedly into the Water and Peck the pieces of Bread out of the Calm Waters.  The setting so Peaceful and Pure.

Today I’m going to Seek out Nature.  I’ll walk Charlie at the Elbow River.  I’ll sit and Listen to the Birds.  And Memories of Today and the Past will intermingle.  And my Gratitude will Float Upward and the Corners of my Mouth will too. Thank You Beautiful Life.  Thank You Beautiful Earth.  Today I will make Time for the Birds.  And my Heart will Sing.

Have a Happy Day.

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Fear vs Love

“Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and the openhearted vision of people who embrace life.” – John Lennon

The last two days I’ve chosen Fear as my Dwelling Place.  Not because anything Happened.  Just because I focused on Hurt.  The Past. I chose to Isolate.  Harden. To Shrink.

Then a girl in a Unicorn Sweater showed up.  Bearing two kinds of Cheetos.  So we sipped  Hot Chocolate and ate Cheetos till our fingers were sticky and orange.  And slowly the Warmth of her Love and Spirit made mine come out of Hiding.  I stuck my head out of my Lonely Cave and Smelled the Fragrance of Peace.  Love and Liberty.  She spoke of Unconditional Love and it’s ability to Bring Health.  To Heal the Giver even more than the Benefactor. And my Heart Unthawed.   A Spiritual Spring as the snowflakes fell outside my window started to thaw my Heart.  A warm wind blew. The wilting flowers of Joy and Love and Passion once again started to  tilt their heads to Her Sun.

I don’t even know what to say as the tears run down my face as I am typing this.  But I fiercely Love my Esther.  I didn’t know when I met you last summer and we sat on that hot bench that you would be a Mentor.  Decades younger and yet my Mentor.  My Unicorn Sweater wearing, Joy emanating, Cheeto eating, little piece of Magic.  How did I ever get so lucky? I am Humbled at my blessings in Her.

My Heart is so Happy. Thank you my Fearless Esther.  Your Bravery and Love Heals Me.

I love you Esther, and I love all of You.

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Jazz In The Shower

Life experiences had knocked me down. Life had become a series of days of survival.  breathing….putting on whatever was clean…saying a prayer for strength and braving my day with a tense smile and a broken heart.  Self care wasn’t even a foreign concept, it was no concept at all.  It seemed indulgent and something for the privileged. Someone with time, money, affection and care.  I don’t know the moment where i realized i had stopped giving myself moments of joy.  but it began to dawn on me that i had stopped treasuring the simple things, the pure things in life.  the things that truly breathe vitality and a certain humility into our veins that stirs our souls and awakens joy again.  i don’t remember the moment this dawned, but i remember the morning i set my phone on the bathroom counter and for the first time had decided my shower was going to become a luxurious moment.  as the wonderful sound of the soulful saxophone started to play and the steam started to billow around my little bathroom i felt for the first time in years my blood pressure start to drop and a surge of joy and even a childlike moment where my toes started to wiggle and a little smile flickered across my face at the woman in the mirror that decided in that moment to change her life.  i still every morning start my day with jazz in the shower.  i highly recommend it.

Light

IMG_5219Light Illuminates and adds the Twinkle.  Casts into our consciousness Beauty.  The Pure and Lovely.  It draws us out of our heads and into the Moment.   The humble Chocolate Chip Cookie under its glass dome on the counter looks Decadent with the Light shining from the kitchen window on it.  Drawing our eye away from the kitchen sink where dishes have assembled.

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The Peace Lily in its Dim Lit Corner who struggles to grow looks Alive and Lush with the Gentle Light caressing its thin fragile leaves.

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The warm light from the living room window illuminates the wonderful quiet lesson of Nature.  My kitty and dog snuggled up on the little blue couch enjoying the view.  Showing us what Unity looks like. Unlikely Friendship at its Best.

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A warm beam shining through the little Craftsman style window onto a little five dollar thrift store red porcelain ball makes it look like a Precious Jewel and worthy of  a moment’s notice.

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An Every Day moment with my Daughter Grace checking her Insta Feed becomes a Moment to Pause and Enjoy her Beauty and Spirit as the light from the window gently shines on her and reminds me of the Treasure she is.

This morning I’m so Grateful for Light.  It’s ability to pull me into Reality and see Blessing in the Ordinary.  Without saying a Word.  So of course my mind goes to my Light Friends.  Who just being in their Grace remind me of Beauty.  Of Joy.  Of Blessing. Without saying a Word.

 

Thank You Light People.  Thanks for being Light.

I Love You

xoxo

 

Flip Side

pexels-photo-965982.jpegThere’s always a Flip Side.  Another Side to the Coin. A New Perspective.

How often do we Sit in the same old used-to-be-comfy Chair. In the Same Corner of our Minds. Letting the Cobwebs continue to Spread over the Brochures of New Perspectives. Piled in the Corner. Quietly offering us a Doorway into Better Life.

The Price of these Priceless Adventures is Letting Go of our Resentments. Our Inertia. It means Standing Up on our Feeble Knees grown weak from Fear. Grown Stagnant from Lack of Personal Accountabilty. From waiting for a Fairy to wave her Wand and make us Strong. Motivated. Brave.

For Me, Too Often, Too Long. Today, I Dusted Off the Pamphlet. It’s Bold Bright Writing said “Free” ….Offering Today Only

Time and Opportunity to Garner Unlimited  JOY …

***only restriction is your own willingness to Show Up

Today I’m On an Adventure. In My Own Everyday Life. For Every Day Should Be Treated with the Same Intensity and Sense of Adventure as we do when we are on Vacation. Let’s Leave that Old Arm Chair in That Dusty Corner of Our Minds.  Walk into Our New Perspectives.

Xoxo

 

 

 

Home

The purpose of our homes is to be a Sanctuary.  We want to be able to open our doors and feel our blood pressure drop.  I don’t know about you, but my home for a “longish” while ceased to be that for me.  In my efforts to figure out what a Home should be, I kinda hit both Ditches.  When I was newly married, I was Obsessed with Cleanliness.  Tidiness and Organization.  I was going to BE Martha Stewart’s nemesis dang it.  I was going to show HER what’s up.  I was Strung Out and Anxious.  Tighter than a Fiddle String.  Then I looked at my Kids and I had this Epiphany.  They Don’t Care.  But they do Need Me.  So I let it all go.  The laundry piled up and the dust.  The cat litter box overflowed.  I hugged my kids a lot and was present. I finally felt like a Good Mom.  But I also felt like a Lousy Housekeeper.  I was Embarrassed of my Home.  The messier it got the more overwhelmed I felt.

So now, it is about Balance.  That Fine Line.  The Tight Rope Walk.  I tune into my Feelings.  When my Home is where it needs to be for my comfort level I also am a Good Mom.  I feel like my kids have a Home they can be proud of too.  Also when all else fails, there’s nothing to make a home look better faster than Lamp Light.  Tulips by the Sink.  And Jazz floating gently in the air.  Mingled with a Mild Amount of Dust.  And tinkly Daughter Laughter.  That’s Utopia to Me.  Thank You Life.  I Love You.