Waltzing with a Side of Uppercut

April 24, 2018April 24, 2018 ~ blacklilymusings ~ 6 Comments

I’ve become somewhat of a Dance Fighter. My Poor Dance Partner is Reeling, the Last one caught him Square in the Jaw. We’re not talking about Actual Punches Here. Just Innuendo. Accusation. Mistrust. Fear. It doesn’t Help Reconciliation. So we’ve Decided to sit out a few Dances till I can Handle My Emotions. It’s Kinda Disheartening that I still got my Dukes Up. The Reaction of My Dance Partner Melted My Heart. Our Conversation about it was Full Of Understanding and Love. He Knows How Scared I am. Why is it so Hard to Just Enjoy the Dance? But you know, our Dear Friends and Family have Given Us the Floor. Everyone wants us to Find Our Rhythm Again. We Badly want to Find Our Rhythm. He is Still the One who Lights My World. His Arms Are Home To Me. So, The Dukes Gotta Come Down. The Heart Has To Stay Open. We Got to Trust the Choreographer. This Dance is Our Dance. I’ll Practice my Left Hooks at Rumble Studio. The Little Boxing Studio. Down the Street.

I Love You.

Stemware and Prozac

April 20, 2018April 20, 2018 ~ blacklilymusings ~ Leave a comment

It was my first Act of Self Care. Stemware in my hand like Jazz playing gently from my stereo makes me feel Special. I remember when I made the Choice to do the Little Things. So every night when I went to bed I would reach for my Special Stemware. The ones I saved for Company or Family Dinners. It was Cool to the Touch and I loved how Pretty and Clear the water looked as it Swirled into the Glass. After Getting my Special Green and White Pill called Prozac from it’s Friendly Orange Bottle I would Head to Bed. I felt Luxury in that Moment. I realized Regardless of my situation, I could Make Life Special.

It’s the Little Things. It’s the Chocolate Stashed Away. It’s Jazz. It’s Coconut Soap. It’s Four Dollar Tulips. It’s Dog Cuddles. It’s Neighbour Smiles. It’s Birds Chirping.

Take the Time to Create Luxury. True Luxury is Free.

Sorry Kids, Yes I Stash Chocolate.

I Love You. Luxuriate Today.

xoxo

When Ten is One Hundred

April 19, 2018 ~ blacklilymusings ~ Leave a comment

We go through things in Life that make our legs Concrete. Our joints become hot and sore from Stress. Our knees Tremble and Shake. An Elephant takes Residence on our Chests. Making it hard to Breathe. Laundry Piles become Everests. The dishes in the sink Taunt us. The soft light of Dawn becomes Blinding and Painful. Sleep becomes our only Escape. Our Beds become our Safe Zone. And also a Torture Chamber if sleep Eludes. Smiles become Frozen in Place. Completely Incongruent with our Broken Spirits.

But Life Calls. So we Rise. We dress our weak Bodies. We Pray and Pray and Pray. We feel Fleeting Courage for a Moment only to have Fear Rise and Pull us Downward once more. Everything we knew and trusted in is Pulled into Question. But we Cling to Hope. Slug the Coffee and Face the Day.

There’s times in Life when Ten Percent is One Hundred Percent. Don’t Judge Yourself. Ignore those Who Do. You’re Rocking Your Pain. You Got Up. You Faced the Day. I’m Proud of You. The Sun Will Come Out Again. I Promise. And You Will Fly. Stronger. Higher. Faster. Than Ever.

I Love You Warrior Tribe.

xoxo

Sound

April 18, 2018 ~ blacklilymusings ~ Leave a comment

There’s certain sounds that pull me into the Past. Of Special Memories. A time of Innocence. I’m not Brushed Up on my birds, so I can’t say the species, but when it sings I am a Young Girl staying at my Auntie Sharon’s sweet little Cape Cod style home. Tucked in the Birch Trees. Up in her Darling Bedroom under the Eave. Krista Lee’s Room. The window is slightly ajar and there’s a bird singing. The same one I’m hearing this Morning.

There’s also the sound of the Crow. When I’m out walking my dog on the Ravine behind my house it’s Call takes me back to Hunter Lake. I can see the Tall Balsam Firs behind my home dancing in the New Brunswick winds off the Atlantic Ocean. I can see the railroad tie fence and the little white Barn. And the Crows circling overhead. The Fir Tree Dance was one of my favourite memories of Home. I loved watching them out my window. So Strong and Powerful and so Graceful. The Soothing Sound of the Wind.

As I sit by the Elbow River, coffee in hand and rubber boots swaddled in Spring Mud there’s little Ducks making their Swath through the Water. Their little feet paddling so happily under the water and their gentle quacks remind me of The Pond. I loved throwing my Rubber Boots on as a child and trekking through the Pasture. A plastic bag of leftover bread in my hand. I would call out to them, and they would come waddling up the Pasture to greet me. So Comical in their Perfect Incoordination as their little Orange Feet tried to Hurry them Along. There was nothing better than watching them Dive so Excitedly into the Water and Peck the pieces of Bread out of the Calm Waters. The setting so Peaceful and Pure.

Today I’m going to Seek out Nature. I’ll walk Charlie at the Elbow River. I’ll sit and Listen to the Birds. And Memories of Today and the Past will intermingle. And my Gratitude will Float Upward and the Corners of my Mouth will too. Thank You Beautiful Life. Thank You Beautiful Earth. Today I will make Time for the Birds. And my Heart will Sing.

Have a Happy Day.

xoxo

Fear vs Love

April 17, 2018April 17, 2018 ~ blacklilymusings ~ Leave a comment

“Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and the openhearted vision of people who embrace life.” – John Lennon

The last two days I’ve chosen Fear as my Dwelling Place. Not because anything Happened. Just because I focused on Hurt. The Past. I chose to Isolate. Harden. To Shrink.

Then a girl in a Unicorn Sweater showed up. Bearing two kinds of Cheetos. So we sipped Hot Chocolate and ate Cheetos till our fingers were sticky and orange. And slowly the Warmth of her Love and Spirit made mine come out of Hiding. I stuck my head out of my Lonely Cave and Smelled the Fragrance of Peace. Love and Liberty. She spoke of Unconditional Love and it’s ability to Bring Health. To Heal the Giver even more than the Benefactor. And my Heart Unthawed. A Spiritual Spring as the snowflakes fell outside my window started to thaw my Heart. A warm wind blew. The wilting flowers of Joy and Love and Passion once again started to tilt their heads to Her Sun.

I don’t even know what to say as the tears run down my face as I am typing this. But I fiercely Love my Esther. I didn’t know when I met you last summer and we sat on that hot bench that you would be a Mentor. Decades younger and yet my Mentor. My Unicorn Sweater wearing, Joy emanating, Cheeto eating, little piece of Magic. How did I ever get so lucky? I am Humbled at my blessings in Her.

My Heart is so Happy. Thank you my Fearless Esther. Your Bravery and Love Heals Me.

I love you Esther, and I love all of You.

xoxo

Jazz In The Shower

April 14, 2018April 13, 2018 ~ blacklilymusings ~ Leave a comment

Life experiences had knocked me down. Life had become a series of days of survival. breathing….putting on whatever was clean…saying a prayer for strength and braving my day with a tense smile and a broken heart. Self care wasn’t even a foreign concept, it was no concept at all. It seemed indulgent and something for the privileged. Someone with time, money, affection and care. I don’t know the moment where i realized i had stopped giving myself moments of joy. but it began to dawn on me that i had stopped treasuring the simple things, the pure things in life. the things that truly breathe vitality and a certain humility into our veins that stirs our souls and awakens joy again. i don’t remember the moment this dawned, but i remember the morning i set my phone on the bathroom counter and for the first time had decided my shower was going to become a luxurious moment. as the wonderful sound of the soulful saxophone started to play and the steam started to billow around my little bathroom i felt for the first time in years my blood pressure start to drop and a surge of joy and even a childlike moment where my toes started to wiggle and a little smile flickered across my face at the woman in the mirror that decided in that moment to change her life. i still every morning start my day with jazz in the shower. i highly recommend it.

Light

April 13, 2018April 13, 2018 ~ blacklilymusings ~ Leave a comment

Light Illuminates and adds the Twinkle. Casts into our consciousness Beauty. The Pure and Lovely. It draws us out of our heads and into the Moment. The humble Chocolate Chip Cookie under its glass dome on the counter looks Decadent with the Light shining from the kitchen window on it. Drawing our eye away from the kitchen sink where dishes have assembled.

The Peace Lily in its Dim Lit Corner who struggles to grow looks Alive and Lush with the Gentle Light caressing its thin fragile leaves.

The warm light from the living room window illuminates the wonderful quiet lesson of Nature. My kitty and dog snuggled up on the little blue couch enjoying the view. Showing us what Unity looks like. Unlikely Friendship at its Best.

A warm beam shining through the little Craftsman style window onto a little five dollar thrift store red porcelain ball makes it look like a Precious Jewel and worthy of a moment’s notice.

An Every Day moment with my Daughter Grace checking her Insta Feed becomes a Moment to Pause and Enjoy her Beauty and Spirit as the light from the window gently shines on her and reminds me of the Treasure she is.

This morning I’m so Grateful for Light. It’s ability to pull me into Reality and see Blessing in the Ordinary. Without saying a Word. So of course my mind goes to my Light Friends. Who just being in their Grace remind me of Beauty. Of Joy. Of Blessing. Without saying a Word.

Thank You Light People. Thanks for being Light.

I Love You

xoxo