We all have Pivotal Points in Our Lives. A Big One happened For Me about Fifteen Years Ago. Prior to, I was Living Fairly Status Quo. Checking Off Lists. Doing the Right Things.
I Felt Dead Inside.
Nothing Reverberated. All of It was for Somebody Else. Their Idea of a Life Well Lived.
I No Longer could Tolerate the Feeling of Living Outside My Own Sphere of Individuality. So Bit by Bit. Painful Layer by Painful Layer I started to Shed My Old Ways.
I Started to Think for Myself. I Listened to My Heart. I Poured Over the Scriptures. I Spent Time on My Knees.
I Began to Live a Life that Made Sense to Me. I Changed My Actions to Fit with My Heart. I Realized No was an Important Word. I realized Just Because a Different Brain Than Mine Thought it, Did Not, by any means, Make It Right.
I Realized I was Ready to Be Wrong, but I Needed to Sort Things Out for Me. I was Willing to Fail, if it Meant to Learn. To Be Real. To Live My Truth, However Bloody and Scratched It Made Me.
That God would Honour My True Intention. Not to Wander From Him, but to Draw Nearer Through My Journey of Discovery.
Today, By No Means, Do I Have It Figured Out. But I can say, My Life is Something that Makes Sense to Me. Everything I Do Comes from my Own Convictions. My Own Aspirations. My Own Desires and Intentions.
Pivotal Points are Wonderful, albeit Scary When They Happen.
There is something so soothing about the weight of my precious Labrador Charlie pressed against my body in bed in the morning. The morning sun lightening the dark navy sky to a soft yellow. Newly fallen snow covering the branches of my backyard foliage, creating a winter fairyland. My bed is so warm and comforting.
I gently push Charlie off me and plant my feet in my cozy slippers. My robe is thrown on haphazardly as I do my morning shuffle to the coffee maker. The incandescent light of my kitchen softly welcoming my sleepy body to a new dawn.
There’s a tickle in my tummy. Life is exciting these days. For no reason in particular. It’s really just winter. It’s really just Calgary, Alberta. It’s really just my little home in the middle of the city. It’s also Wednesday, after all.
But in my chest is a beating heart. The sun has come peeking in my window again. The possibilities are endless! The experiences so beautiful awaiting me today…! A smile from a child. Laughter with a coworker. Something yummy in my tummy. Beautiful snowfall. A day in peaceful Canada. With peace in my heart.
My taxi driver wore a large print houndstooth dinner jacket today. With a scarlet thread. His pants were pressed to such a degree a military man of high station would be in admiration. He used to work at a upscale tailor in Dubai before immigrating to Canada.
Now he drives me to work somedays. Always dressed in his finery. With a smile. His cheery contagious spirit.
He celebrates the ordinary days. Every day is worthy of his best.
Jimmy texts me from Tokyo. He’s one of the finest lawyers to grace the office of Blake, Cassels & Graydon LLP. He wrote, “I was complimented on my shoes and suit today and I thought about what you told me. You said ‘Life is too short to spend it not dressed well.’ ”
Life is too short for an ugly outfit folks. Ask the taxi driver. Ask Jimmy. Ask me.
I sent this picture to a few of my favourite people. I said, ” what I want my heart to look like”. I found it SO interesting that that was my first thought when I looked at that picture. So my next question was, “What is it that you see when you look at this picture?” So from what I can see, here it is…
nothing is for show. someone entered the kitchen and took a picture because the sun rays were beaming in. the moment of stillness caught on film in a fraction of time. the brita drink container in its useful ugliness wasn’t even put away for a better shot.
it’s not fancy. nobody has tried to capture the perfection of pinterest in this kitchen. the drawers are melamine. the fabric under the sink is from a discount booth at a Walmart. but, in my heart, no “perfectly put together” and Italian marble could capture the essence of this kitchen.
all the things I love and matter to me are in this kitchen. sun rays. warmth. love of nature. comfort. sustenance. humility. beauty. safety. functionality. ease. and most of all, AUTHENTICITY. there’s also a beautiful aged chandelier adding a touch of glamour to the room.
So Yes, I want my heart to look like this kitchen on a summers day. The window is thrown open. Cats bask on the window sill. There’s onions ripening for a family dinner on the counter top. The unpretentious brita jug is in plain view. There’s a touch of glamour in the chandelier adding a touch of celebration to its function. a little indescript clock is marking time.
There’s a chair waiting in the dining nook for you, my friend.
My Filter can Get Pretty Dirty Real Quick. And it Makes Sense. If the Dust Storm of Doubt comes Rolling Through, it Can Clog Your Filter Almost Instantaneously. Some Storms are Pretty Fierce and Can Hit Out of the Blue. One Moment You’re Walking on Air in a MultiColoured Fairy Land of Optimism and Hope. Then a Phone Call. A Text. A DejaVu Memory. The Clouds Roll In. The Wind Starts Kicking Up Dust and Pretty Soon the Windshield Wipers of Prayer and the Water of His Word is Needed. There’s Always an Antedote. Let’s Not See our Lives as the Colour of Brown when it’s Just the Dust on Your Glasses. Nothing Changed. Your Unicorn Land of Dreams is Still as It is. Maybe a Storm Went Through and Things are Repositioned. But it’s Still Unicorn Land My Friends. There’s Still Magic. There’s Crazy Opportunities to Explore. Unopened Doors to the Coolest Paradises to Be Discovered.
Don’t Let Some Silly Little Brown Particles of Doubt Keep You From Seeing Beauty…It’s Just a Little Dirt on the Filter Honey.
Everyone at some point has Dealt with a Bully. Taking your Gentleness as Weakness, they Push You Around. They Need to Feel Powerful. Loving to Oppress. For a Moment they Feed their Need for Power and Relevance through You.
Look in their eyes….
You’ll Often See Fear. Bullies are Afraid Insecure People . When you can Understand this, it takes their Power Away to Hurt You.
Disarm them with Your Quiet Confidence. Stay Comfortable in Your Own Skin. Two Things Often Happen…
Their Attention goes Elsewhere…or as you Role Model Strength and Courage
The Fear in their Eyes Melts away. Confidence finds a New Spring in Their Step.
They’ve Become Inspired…
The World Becomes a Little Kinder. A Little Brighter.
They Make Tears Run Down My Face Like Rivers. The Wind as I walk Charlie Whisks them Away. The Stain Still Smeared on my Cheeks. Sometimes, they just Show up Unannounced. Demanding Entry. Smashing Down my Bolted Heart’s Door.
Shame. Regret. Grief. Longing. Fear. Pain.
Gosh What a Family.
They Rip the Living Room Carpet Up Every Time. Exposing the Elephants in the Room. There’s a lot of Elephant Excrement too under that Dang Rug.
They Demand my Attention. That they be Acknowledged. Their Needs Attended to. Which Always Includes that Dumb Elephant.
When they Show their Ugly Heads Around, I know my Dream Day is Gone. That I will now be Engrossed in this Flipping Family Fraught with Failures. Feelings. I will Cry Inconsolably. I will Wish. I will Repeat “I’m So Sorry” to No One and Everyone Inparticular.
But You Know What, Each Time They Come, They Lay Claim to an Elephant. They Drag its Lumbering Behind Out the Door with them. Like they’re taking Some Treasure. If They Only Knew.
I Feel Lighter. The Living Room Rug is One Less Elephant Lumpy. And A lot Less Smelly. I Got More Heart Leg Room. Room to Stretch. Room for Good Guests.
We’ve heard this saying forever. It basically means whatever we are trying for the first time, once we figure it out we will never forget. Sometimes this can be a problem.
Maybe we learned a dysfunctional way to pedal the Life Bike. Generations of dyfunctional pedalling. Someone told you to go a full rotation backwards before going forwards. Resulting in a lot of stop and starting and poor forward motion.
Sometimes in life, we need to learn how to ride the Life Bike again. Relearn a more efficient way. Sometimes our teachers didn’t know the best way forward. Sometimes the only Life Bike we had to get us through the early years was rusty and missing gears. We learned to pedal the bike, but it was no small achievement.
So, Huge Kudos to those who learned to ride on rusty gears. You’re the coolest freestyle riders I know. You’ve developed muscles so many “New Life Bike Every Year” people didn’t. But maybe, it’s time to really relook at “Learning to Ride Again”.
Find your own way forward. The way of easy riding. Just think of the distance you can go with all the grit and determination you learned from those rusty gears.